Love Displays- Part 1: The Route of Adaptation
When I got the leading of the Holy Spirit to write on this topic with the focus on wives for today’s blog, I honestly struggled with it. This is because I felt it was time to write a blog piece directed towards husbands, considering the fact that I had already written a series of four blog posts focusing on submission for wives. However, after the Holy Spirit corrected me, I decided to yield to His direction and here I am, writing on this topic, with today’s post focusing on wives because I believe there is something He still wants to relay to wives. It is my prayer that you will hear His voice as you read this blog post in Jesus’ name, amen.
In the previous blog post titled, “The S Word- Part 4: Displays of Submission”, we examined how “honour” is at the root of submission and how that can be displayed through our thoughts, speech, and actions/conduct. In today’s post, we will go deeper in submission and explore some practical steps you can take in adapting to your husband. In Peters 3:1 (AMPC), it likens submission to “adapting” to your own husbands.
“In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives” (1 Peter 3:1, AMPC)
According to the Cambridge dictionary, “to adapt” means to “change your ideas or behaviour to make them suitable for a new situation”. Let’s go deeper and explore!
Practical Steps of Adaptation to Your Husband
Notice and Admire Him:
Pay attention to positive details and qualities of your hubby such as:
a. Who he is. For example, he’s honest, hard-working, playful, diligent, etc
b. The contributions he makes in your home. For example, he helps with throwing trash, does laundry, cuts the grass, does home repairs, leads the family devotion, etc
c. His value system. For example, he has great work ethics, has integrity, loves God, and is under spiritual authority (the word, Holy Spirit, and Human Authorities); his respect for his/your parents, etc.
d. His way of thinking/how he makes decisions: For example, he’s analytical and makes rational decisions; he could be spontaneous when needed such as planning date nights; he doesn’t get flustered by decision making but spins it with joy; he listens to your opinion when making decisions, etc.
e. His physical qualities: For example, his sense of dressing, his physical/ bodily features you like; his voice- how deep or calming it is; his haircut when he gets one, etc.
The more you take note of the different qualities and details of your husband, the more admiration you will have of him. At the root of honor is deep admiration. It is difficult to honor someone you don’t value or admire. One reason why children (especially daughters) are fans of their dads is that they zoom in on the positive qualities of their dad and their admiration for him grows so deep. In their minds, their dad is superman that can fly and can do anything and when your child believes such about you, as a dad you won’t want to disappoint him/her and as such, they do all they can to live up to that. If you as a wife focus on his great qualities and live in perpetual admiration of your hubby, including affirming him of them (we’ll discuss more on this), you will notice that he will make an effort in living up to your expectation and the picture you have of him.
2. Affirm and Appreciate Him:
You have to be the #1 fan of your hubby and he has to know it. He has to know he is preferred above all men. That is something fans do so well. Fans of celebrities never hide their admiration for such celebrities and you as a wife need to do the same. Appreciation needs to be vocalized and not just internal. Affirm him when he does something you noticed and loved. For example, you noticed he washed the dishes or cooked, tell him how you appreciate his thoughtfulness and kind gesture (whether the food tastes nice or not lol). Whatever you thank God for multiplies and the same applies to your hubby. Whatever you thank him for, multiplies as well.
“There will be joy and songs of thanksgiving, and I will multiply my people, not diminish them; I will honor them, not despise them.” (Jeremiah 30:19, NLT)
3. Jealously Guard and Keep Your Peace:
One way to jealously guard and keep the peace in your marriage is by noticing intruders of peace and making a decision to guard against such.
“Be eager and strive earnestly to guard and keep the harmony and oneness of [and produced by] the Spirit in the binding power of peace.” (Ephesians 4:3, AMPC)
It could be certain words that stir offense in your home, then avoid such. My hubby and I have some words we don’t use because we noticed it sends a wrong message to the other person even if it is unintentional. It could be a particular body language or gesture you make (e.g sighing ) when discussing a sensitive topic that sends the wrong message of not being interested in the conversation, then put an end to it to avoid it from eroding the peace in your home.
Another way to keep the peace in your home is through the fruit of the Holy Spirit called Gentleness. The bible talks about how “a gentle answer deflects anger but harsh words make tempers flare” (Proverbs 15:1, NLT). There are times that the atmosphere could want to get tense because of the sensitivity of the matter at hand but it takes gentleness to deflate the tense atmosphere. The bible says a wise woman builds her home but a foolish one tears it down with her hands (Proverbs 14:1). It takes wisdom to not allow emotions to run wild but instead, allowing wisdom to prevail over emotions.
Lastly, to guard and keep the peace in your home requires forgiveness. Realizing that you are both humans that are currently being worked on by God and hence, there might be some areas of improvement. Choosing to forgive the other person’s flaws would allow peace to reign in your home. This is a characteristic of love and we see that depicted in proverbs 17:9
“He who covers and forgives an offense seeks love, But he who repeats or gossips about a matter separates intimate friends.” (AMP)
The virtue of gentleness and peace are things that are very precious in the sight of God and as you strive to walk in gentleness and peace, it is my prayer that your marriage would never lack peace in Jesus’ name, amen.
Putting to practice these steps towards adapting to your own husband takes the help of the Holy Spirit for consistency. You can only access the Holy Spirit when you have received Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. To try Jesus Christ today, all you have to do is say this prayer with me:
“Lord Jesus Christ, I believe you are the Son of God and I believe You died for me on the cross of Calvary. I know I am a sinner and today, I come to You to forgive me for all my sins and to make me a brand-new creation. I accept You as my personal Lord and Saviour. Thank you, Lord, for forgiving me and making me born again, in Jesus’ name, Amen.”
Congratulations!!!! You are now born-again! This means you are part of the family of Jesus Christ. If you made this decision, I would love, love to hear from you today and provide resources for your new journey! Please leave a comment on this post or reach out to me at https://www.cccghq.org/contact-us
By: Pastor Ibukun Adewusi