The "S" Word- Part 4: Displays of Submission
At the root of submission is honor. According to the Cambridge dictionary, honor is celebrating or showing great respect for someone or something. Honor is a thing of the heart that gets expressed first in the thought realm and eventually gets expressed outwardly in our speech and actions. This is depicted in Luke 6:45, which says: “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” (NKJV, Emphasis in bold). Join me as we explore honor in our thoughts, speech and actions.
Displays of Submission
Honor in Thoughts
The realm of the mind is like a field that has the ability to produce great things when the right seeds are sown in it. However, if left bare, it would eventually be filled with weeds. We are reminded in Psalm 19:14 that the thoughts we meditate on and allow to flow in our mind should be pure, pleasing and acceptable to God.
“So may the words of my mouth, my meditation-thoughts, and every movement of my heart be always pure and pleasing, acceptable before your eyes, my only Redeemer, my Protector-God” (Psalm 19:14, TPT).
The way we think about a person has a great deal on how we eventually treat and deal with them. If we think about our spouses in high regards, we will treat them with high regards but if we despise them in our heart, over time, we will despise them in our actions or speech. This was what happened with Michal, David’s wife, who despised him in her heart and eventually, she spoke disrespectfully to him and lost the opportunity for him to bless her. She ended up as a barren woman with no transferable legacy (2 Samuel 6:16-23).
In accordance with Philippians 4:8, we are to fix our thoughts on things that are true, honourable, right, pure, lovely and admirable.
“ And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise” (Philippians 4:8, NLT)
Naturally, the mind tends to focus and ruminate over negative things but it takes the discipline of the mind to zoom in and meditate on God’s truth about your spouse. ( “A Disciplined Life” by Emmanuel Adewusi is an excellent book on this). Focusing on lovely, admirable and pure qualities of your spouse would foster a new admiration for him in your heart. It’s advisable to write out a list of wonderful qualities you love about your husband, that you can reference as much as you can. As you ruminate over these wonderful qualities, the honor you have towards your husband will grow and increase.
2. Honor in Speech
There is great power in the words that we speak. Your words have the ability to kill or give life to your spouse.
“Your words are so powerful, that they will kill or give life, and the talkative person will reap the consequences” (Proverbs 18:21, TPT).
What, when and how we speak to your spouse matters a lot and it can either damage or build him up.
What: What we say to our spouses can encourage them, motivate them, cheer them up or on the flip side, bring discouragement, anger or frustration to them. Job’s wife was an example of a wife that advised him to curse God and die (Job 2:9). Such advice lacked wisdom, it was void of any care or concern for his well-being and showed she disregarded God. Let the words that come out of our mouth be seasoned with salt, filled with grace (Colossians 4:6) and build up our spouses. Let our spouses be able to trust that the words that come out of our mouths are filled with wisdom and kindness (Proverbs 31:26).
“Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you” (Ephesians 4:29, GNT).
When: There is the right thing to say at the right time. Naomi advised Ruth to approach Boaz after he had eaten and drank (Ruth 3). There are some deep discussions that cannot be had with your spouse after a long day from work. Allow him to refresh himself and be in a cheerful state before bringing such discussions up. Queen Esther had a pressing situation at hand, where the Jews, which included herself, had heard of the order to be executed soon. She did not rush to mention it to King Xerxes, her husband despite the urgency but instead, she prepared two banquets for Him and Haman, before presenting her case to him. Without hesitation, he favoured her and granted her request. She walked in wisdom on deciding the best time to present such a pressing matter to him.
How: It takes wisdom to know how to speak to your husband. The bible records that Abigail was married to a foolish husband, named Nabal, but despite his foolishness, she was able to live with him. Even when he acted ruthlessly to David and his men, and David decided he was going to kill Nabal and his household, it was the wisdom of Abigail in what she said and the approach she took towards appeasing David that saved the life of her household. It is no wonder that when Nabal died, David did not waste any time in marrying her. Abigail is known to be a woman of good understanding. The bible says, “a soft answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1, NKJV)
3. Honor in Actions/ Conducts
There is a saying that goes like this: “Actions speak louder than words”. It is one thing to say you are submissive but another when your actions or conduct as a wife towards your husband depicts submission. Our words always have to align with our actions as it is a display of integrity and builds a foundation of trust.
Queen Vashti was asked by her husband, King Xerxes to come to the royal banquet he was having for all his people as he wanted to display her beauty to all but instead, she refused to come. Her action of refusal to the king’s command aroused the king’s anger and when he consulted with his wise advisers on how to deal with her action, they answered:
“...Vashti the queen has not only wronged the king but [also] all the officials (royal representatives) and all the peoples who are in all the provinces of King Ahasuerus. 17 For the queen’s conduct will become known to all women, causing them to look on their husbands with contempt (disrespect), since they will say, ‘King Ahasuerus commanded Queen Vashti to be brought before him, but she did not come.’ 18 This [very] day the ladies of Persia and Media who have heard of the queen’s refusal will speak [in the same way] to all the king’s officials, and there will be plenty of contempt and anger. 19 If it pleases the king, let a royal command be issued by him and let it be written in the laws of the Persians and Medes so that it cannot be repealed or modified, that Vashti is no longer to come before King Ahasuerus; and let the king give her royal position to another who is better and more worthy than she. 20 So when the king’s great decree is proclaimed throughout his [extensive] kingdom, all women will give honor to their husbands, from the great to the insignificant.” (Esther 1:16-20, AMP)
As a result of her conduct and the advice from the advisers, she was removed as the queen and replaced with Queen Esther. It is commonly said that the way you address your spouse would be the same way people will address him. If there is respect in your conduct and actions towards him, it would encourage others (including your children) to deal with him with respect.
If you’re not sure what actions or words speak respect to your husband, ask him. There are some mannerisms or words that you can display or speak that displays disrespect to him. It might not be a big deal to you but it is to him. Ask for God’s grace to take it serious and He will grant you the grace that you need.
Walking in honor in our thoughts, words and actions towards our husbands take the help of the Holy Spirit because naturally, humans love to receive honor but hardly want to give honor to another. When grace to honor is released by the Holy Spirit, it makes it easier than trying to do it in our own strength. In order to access this grace or help, you need to willingly open your heart to Jesus Christ as your Lord and personal Savior and He will gladly help you. If you will like to make this decision today, please say this prayer after me:
“Lord Jesus Christ, I believe you are the Son of God and I believe You died for me on the cross of Calvary. I know I am a sinner and today, I come to You to forgive me for all my sins and to make me a brand-new creation. I accept You as my personal Lord and Saviour. Thank you, Lord, for forgiving me and making me born again, in Jesus’ name, Amen.”
Congratulations!!!! You are now born-again! This means you are part of the family of Jesus Christ. If you made this decision, I would love to hear from you today and provide resources for your new journey! Please leave a comment on this post or reach out to me at https://www.cccghq.org/contact-us
It is my prayer that as we sow seeds of honor towards our husbands, the Lord will ensure that we reap honor in every endeavour of our lives in Jesus name, amen. Have a blessed and joy-filled home!
By: Pastor Ibukun Adewusi