The Little Foxes
I came across a video clip where some seals were on the seashore and they started running towards the sea. As some kayakers at the seashore watched, they noticed a fishing line around the necks of one big seal and two little seals. They pulled them from the rest of the other seals in an attempt to help them but you could see the seals struggling to get away from the kayakers. After a while, the kayakers got them in a more conducive position to cut off the fishing lines around their necks with a knife they had. When the fishing lines were cut off, I noticed the seals were already bleeding and the kayakers mentioned that the little two seals joined together with the fishing lines were not able to eat or swim because of the fishing lines and if the lines had not being removed as of then, it would have just being a matter of time before they died. As I pondered on this touching clip, the Holy Spirit began to teach that some married couples are like those two little seals joined together by the fishing lines. Many couples are suffering in silence in their marriages. No one knows the pains, hurts, wounds, resentments they are experiencing. On the outside, everyone sees a smiling couple that possibly takes pictures or posts their affection for one another on social media but right after that picture is taken or the post published, it is back to the norm of hurt, pain, resentment and regret. I am reminded of the passage in Songs of Solomon 2:15 that says:
“Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!” (New Living Translation).
I love the way this passage says “catch” all the foxes, the little foxes”. Just like the fishing line around the neck of those two seals, gradually choking those seals, there are some “little foxes” that are gradually choking some married couples. That “little” hurt that occurred while you were courting that never got resolved, that “little” statement that was spoken by your spouse during that argument that keeps coming back to your mind and leaves you feeling so belittled, or is it that regrettable mistake made with your ex or someone else that has broken your trust foundation; if not identified, brought to the light and dealt with appropriately, it would begin to erode the foundation of your marriage. They say anything big started small and the same applies to hurts and wounds. We have the responsibility to “catch” those little foxes that have the tendency to spoil our vineyard of love. When a wound is not dealt with, just like a little fox, it begins to grow and affects other areas in the home and the longer it remains undealt with, it becomes a stronghold. When you get hurt, do not cover it up. Instead, take steps in dealing with it. Let’s highlight some steps you can take in dealing with hurts. Please note this is not exclusive to marriage alone. It could be used for any kind of human relationship.
Acknowledge That You Are Hurt
A lot of times, we (especially believers) remain in denial that something said or done to us left us hurt. It is not a sin to feel hurt but it is a sin to remain in unforgiveness. The bible says in Ephesians 4:26-27 “Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil '' (NKJV). We are humans and we will get angry at times, which is a normal emotion but the danger comes when we are not in control of that anger and it causes us to sin. Hence, acknowledge that you have been hurt by your spouse.
2. Communicate Why You Are Hurt
Once you have acknowledged you have been hurt, respectfully communicate how your spouse’s action or words negatively made you feel. This is highlighted in Matthew 18:15, which says, “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back” (NLT). It is advisable not to take this step when you are both in the heat of the moment, to avoid emotions going off a tangent. When you both are in a state to effectively communicate in a respectful manner, present how that situation left you hurt and why that is important to you. Please ensure you are not using this as a means to point fingers at your spouse or identifying weaknesses or faults of your spouse. Once you have had an opportunity to communicate, listen to your spouse’s point of view, and identify areas where there might have been some miscommunications or misunderstanding.
Please keep in mind that depending on the gravity of the hurt you may be experiencing, communication with your spouse can be aided with the assistance of human authorities over you such as a spiritual leader in the church or a marriage counsellor.
3. Release or Forgive Your Spouse
Once communication has occurred, choose to let go of the hurt by forgiving them by the grace of God. Forgiveness is a choice and we owe it to ourselves to be free of any hurt. Emotional distress such as hurt, resentment and the likes have a tendency to affect other areas of a person’s life including one’s physical health. Marianne Williamson once said, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison yourself and waiting for the other person to die”. In the event, you are unable to communicate your hurt to your spouse, either because of their absence or their unwillingness to engage in communicating with you, decide to let go of the hurt by releasing them from any grudge you might have held against them.
4. Do Not Keep the Hurt on Life-Support
Once you have released or forgiven your spouse, do not keep referring back to that hurt, as ruminating over such hurts or resentment keeps it on life support. Let the hurt die! This does not mean you will forget what happened but it means not keeping scores of what took place in the past. It is time to let the hurt die. We are reminded of this in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-5 (Emphasis on verse 5, NLT ):
“4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.”
Humanly speaking, it is impossible not to keep records of wrongs done by others but such grace and power only lie in Jesus Christ. With the help of the Holy Spirit, He is able to assist us in tapping into such grace and power. The only way to access the help of the Holy Spirit is by opening our hearts to Jesus Christ by accepting Him as our Lord and Savior. If you will like to make this decision today, please say this prayer with me:
“Lord Jesus Christ, I believe you are the Son of God and I believe You died for me on the cross of Calvary. I know I am a sinner and today, I come to You to forgive me for all my sins and to make me a brand new creation. I accept You as my personal Lord and Saviour. Thank you Lord, for forgiving me and making me born again, in Jesus’ name, Amen.”
Congratulations!!!! You are now born-again! This means you share the same DNA as Jesus Christ and because of you, there is a great celebration in heaven right now!
If you made this decision, I would love to hear from you today! Please leave a comment on this post or reach out to me at https://www.cccghq.org/contact-us
It is my prayer for you that as you take these golden nuggets and apply it to your marriage, the Lord will restore the joy in your home in Jesus’ name amen. I look forward to hearing your testimonies. Please share your testimonies by leaving a comment on this post or reach out to me at https://www.cccghq.org/contact-us
Happy fox-free marriages!
By: Pastor Ibukun Adewusi