Dealing With Competition in Marriage
It might sound bizarre that husbands and wives compete with one another but the truth is, it happens. One of the reasons why this happens is due to a disconnect in their bond or a lack of it. When the fusion of a couple hasn't taken place, they are still operating as individuals and competition is likely to happen. This is because they have not yet identified themselves as a team in a relay race. One’s success is the success of the other. The bible says in, Ecclesiastes 4:9-10:
“9. Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up.” (NKJV)
In a relay race, one of the runners in the team passes the baton to the other team member, all to achieve one prize as a team. It doesn’t make sense if one of the runners decides to run on their own and neglect the other members. Such a team would be disqualified. Knowing you are one, solidifies your union in marriage and allows for a greater reward. The bible says two are better than one. (Ecclesiastes 4:9). One will chase a thousand but two, ten thousand (Deuteronomy 32:20). There are losses when couples work solo in marriage, as they have a way smaller result for their labour. It’s one of the reasons why my favourite word is “synergy”.
According to the Cambridge dictionary, synergy is defined as:
“The combined power of a group of things when they are working together that is greater than the total power achieved by each working separately”
How to Deal With Competition in Marriage
Identify what you each bring to the table
This doesn’t have to be in regards to finances only. These can be the unique skills and giftings the Lord has endowed you both with. For example, it could be that the husband is excellent at seeing the bigger picture i.e seeing the vision and direction for different projects in the home, while the wife is excellent at dealing with details and processes. This is a perfect combination because you need to have the blueprint of the project first, in order to know what direction to go. When building a house, you need the architect to draw the vision of the type of home, how many rooms you want in that house etc. Afterwards, it is passed down to a foreman and other contractors to build out the details of the building plan/blueprint, which may include details for the foundation, framing, moulding, dry-walling, the electricals etc. They bring to life the vision. A vision without knowing the exact steps to take to execute it would remain as a wish.
2. Identify how your giftings work hand in hand, to achieve your unified goal
My hubby once said that revelation is when two pieces of information suddenly come together into one piece. Each information or item might have stood alone but the moment you see how they correlate with one another, revelation is birth. This is usually the “aha moment” when the light bulb comes on. You can identify the unique giftings that you both have but without the help of the Holy Spirit to give revelation of how those two pieces can work together for a greater reward, it might still remain a challenge to draw the correlation.
3. Subdue competitive thoughts and suggestions
The bible says in 2 Corinthians 10: 4-5 KJV:
“ 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ”
There would be suggestions, thoughts and possibly images of why you are “better” than your spouse or suggestions of how you are inferior to your partner, leading to comparison and jealousy. The bible says where there is envy and strife, there are all kinds of confusion and evil things (James 3:16). The moment those suggestions and images are entertained, division begins and competition sets in. This was what happened to Eve in the garden of Eden, when she entertained the suggestions of the devil and from there, it introduced blame and shame. Stand on the word of God concerning unity in marriage and rebuke those suggestions and thoughts.
God has ordained husbands and wives to work as one team and if they do, they will both enjoy great exploits. We see a glimpse of what can happen when there is the unity of a goal in the story of the Tower of Babel.
“1 Now the whole earth had one language and one speech. 2 And it came to pass, as they journeyed from the east, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar, and they dwelt there. 3 Then they said to one another, “Come, let us make bricks and bake them thoroughly.” They had brick for stone, and they had asphalt for mortar. 4 And they said, “Come, let us build ourselves a city, and a tower whose top is in the heavens; let us make a name for ourselves, lest we be scattered abroad over the face of the whole earth.” 5 But the Lord came down to see the city and the tower which the sons of men had built. 6 And the Lord said, “Indeed the people are one and they all have one language, and this is what they begin to do; now nothing that they propose to do will be withheld from them. (Genesis 11: 1-6 NKJV, Emphasis in bold)
God “saw” what they “had built”, even though they were yet to physically build it but their unity would have made them achieve it. The Trinity (God the Father, God the Son and God, the Holy Spirit) are one and when you examine the beauty of creation that exists because of their unity, it’s just amazing.
The flesh sometimes wants to rise up and compete. It’s a natural human nature but it takes the power of the Holy Spirit to pull that tendency down and subdue it. You can’t gain access to this power without first letting Jesus Christ into your life. To do so, please say this prayer with me:
“Lord Jesus Christ, I believe you are the Son of God and I believe You died for me on the cross of Calvary. I know I am a sinner and today, I come to You to forgive me for all my sins and to make me a brand-new creation. I accept You as my personal Lord and Saviour. Thank you, Lord, for forgiving me and making me born again, in Jesus’ name, Amen.”
Congratulations!!!! You are now born-again! This means you are part of the family of Jesus Christ. If you made this decision, I would love to hear from you today and provide resources for your new journey! Please leave a comment on this post or reach out to me at https://www.cccghq.org/contact-us
It is my prayer that unity would constantly reign in our homes and the spirit of competition and division would not have a foothold in our homes and marriages in Jesus’ name, amen.
Have a blessed and synergy-infused marriage!
By: Pastor Ibukun Adewusi